Friendships, just like relationships can be difficult at times. Perhaps you had a great time for a while with a human being but now you want to take some distance from them. We change, and other people change, we grow apart, we have different life goals and some friendships just like any other type of relationship can end. A human being might have played an important role in our lives at a certain point, but now it is no longer the case, and this is okay; life is about change.
Perhaps you have a “friend” in your life that you suspect that they might be toxic, and you are starting to question your own sanity. The traits shown in this list might end your doubts, if your friend is really being toxic and bad for your mental health.
Or you would like to have some tips on what NOT TO DO in order to keep your friends and to protect your friendship. Some people show the traits given in this article subconsciously and that is how they become unsympathetic and their friends want to get away from them.
Ever wondered what would make you or another person a toxic friend?
Here’s some guidelines:
- Disrespect your friend’s time
Call and text them whenever. Just send innumerable texts which might be relevant or not, interesting or not. Bombard them with texts even if they’re not replying to you.
Call them just to talk but say nothing relevant. Ask for their attention whenever. Don’t respect anything, just make everything about you and your needs.
They’re tired? They might need some space from everyday life and they have a life beside you? F*ck this! Don’t respect it. You need attention and you demand immediate reaction. Be clingy as f*ck, harass them and ask them to spend all their free time with you. This is the most unattractive thing a person can do: to be clingy.
And God forbid if they failed to fulfil your expectation, and weren’t available when you wanted them to, then you apply the 2nd point:
- Throw tantrums
Write belittling texts and ask them in a harassing tone why they were not available when you called them or texted them. Tell them they are never there when you need them. You don’t care if they’re tired of if they have a life remember? Call them and ask them for explanations why they were not available at that particular moment. Throw tantrums, be erratic like a mean child, and don’t act satisfied even if they’re acting kind and giving you a valid explanation. Now you move on to the next point during your conversations:
- Guilt trip them and make them feel responsible for your problems or your feelings.
If you want to poison the friendship (or if you just want to be a toxic person for everyone) this is a very powerful tactic. You can quickly become a burden for the other person, and you are no longer fun to be around. You make them feel responsible for your feelings, by telling them that you are sad/anxious, and you need them to help you go through these times, but they are not a good friend because they are not being available for you or they are not taking the time to “take care” of you. Here you have the deadly poison: you make a person feel responsible for something they aren’t supposed to feel responsible for and you guilt trip them for it. Repeat this tactic: the more you repeat it the less likable you will be. For some people even if you do this once, it will be enough to make them like you less.
- Try to change them
This will be based on your imagined expectations that you have about them and you are going to ask them to change for you. Tell them you want them to be this way or that way. Why are they not the way you want them to be?
Act sad as if it was their fault they don’t fulfil your friendship fantasy. Act angry and keep on sending demeaning texts of how they are not fulfilling X or Y expectations. They cannot call you when you want? Act angry and tell them they’re unreliable. They left a party before you expected them to? Criticize them for it, criticize the hell out of them. Which brings us to the next point…
- Try to make them feel bad about themselves
By criticizing them, their job, their lifestyle, their likes and dislikes, or anything else you can find, you’re going to become very repulsive. Who’s going to want to be around someone who makes them feel bad about themselves? Nobody!
Talk about what you don’t like about them. It can be their appearance, their choices in life, their behavior, their social status, anything. Even if they have some qualities, try to downplay them by throwing in a critic. If they have projects and seem excited about it, talk about the inconveniencies that their projects MIGHT represent. Make them doubt themselves. Never support their ideas or their projects and discourage them if they have ambitions.
- Give them unrequested advice
This part is tied to point 4 where you try to change the person in a seemingly “kind” way.
It is perfectly fine to give advice to a friend if they ask you for it! Most of the time people do not want advice though; they just want someone who can listen to them. Without them asking what you would do in a certain situation, or how you would handle a particular problem, you still give them advice!
Tell them how they should live their life. Tell them what job to choose and tell them to work more/less hours. Tell them how to behave, what to wear, where to live, what holiday destination they should choose. If and when you give unrequested advice on how they should live their life, it will make you seem intrusive if not creepy, hence making you disgusting.
- Get upset if they get in a relationship or if they choose to spend time with other friends.
Your friend just shared with you that they started dating someone?
Sigh and start throwing tantrums. Tell them how their relationship is going to affect your friendship now. Tell them that they are going to have less time to spend with you from now on and that makes you upset and it disappoints you. Tell them you want all of their free time to be spent with you.
Even if they tell you, that they are going to see another friend, you explode again and harass them with condescending texts while they are out with their other friend. Here again you try to make yourself as toxic as possible. You invade their space, harass them with incessant texts and calls, and make them feel bad. Tell them you need them now, and they are not being correct by giving attention to other people, that is unacceptable for you. You literally become a child, that’s an easy one.
- Expect them to help you in your private life with their profession
Sometimes you can ask a friend to do you a favor if they are professionals in a field.
However, friendship needs to remain friendship. It should not feel like work for the other person, because then they will start to feel drained. Friendship is meant to be a solace from our everyday life, not another chore. Furthermore, your friend is being paid for their work, while in friendship they aren’t going to be paid. But if you want to come off as unbearable here is what you can do:
If they’re a lawyer for instance, always ask legal questions and ask for legal advice. Do it for every legal question you have. If they are hesitant tell them you thought they were an amazing lawyer. Here again make them feel bad and put pressure.
If they’re a computer engineer always rely on them for your computer problems and keep asking them about it. Challenge them, make it seem like a chore, and ask incessantly.
Your friend works in the mental health field? Oh that’s great! Here you can get lethal and you can put all of your burdens on them because hey they’re professionals, and they specialise in crazy problems. They should know how to help you. Just become another patient without a fee. Make it ALL about you. If ever they cannot help you with certain problems, make them feel bad again (or at least try to because a good mental health professional will see through your game) and tell them you thought they were a good psychiatrist/psychologist/counselor. Make friendship seem as work to them without any payment of course.
- Have mood swings and show it to them
Change your mood as often as you wash your hands. Once you’re happy once you’re upset. Get offended for no reason. They tried to make a joke? Take offense in everything and tell them how offended you feel by that joke. Tell them they’re insensitive.
Remember: Nobody wants to be walking on eggshells especially in friendships or relationships. This stresses people out and frustrates them making them want to be as far as possible from you.
You can also make plans, then be unreliable, and tell them that you changed your mind about the plan, you will let them know if yes or no you can attend their party. After some days tell them you’re coming anyway. However, if ever they cancel plans act angry. Tell them that you can never count on them for anything, they are so fickle, you are so disappointed. Just make a drama.
That’s it folks, if you need tips to disgust a friend!
Just don’t overdo it to the point where you might face harassment charges.
If you have someone in your life that acts that way, the first thing to do is to not take it personally. Someone with this attitude, who tries to make you feel bad, is someone who feels bad about themselves, and they are probably hurting inside.
But is that a reason to keep the friendship and destroy your mood in the process? NO!
They are NOT your RESPONSIBILITY.
If you want to distance yourself from this person and they don’t take “no” for an answer, know that there are laws out there protecting you, and harassment or stalking charges are taken very seriously by the police. Know that harassment charges can be pressed for any type of unwanted contact: it does not matter if the other person is trying to contact you by phone, social media, emails, etc. Do not erase evidence and do not hesitate to show it to the police!
With this information in mind, I wish you all a good riddance ;-)